Nighttime Hosts Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

Late-night's top hosts spent their broadcast mocking President Donald Trump's newly unveiled immigration program, called the "golden visa," characterizing it as a obvious cash-for-residency arrangement for the wealthy.

Colbert's Pointed Take

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic holiday song targeting the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... destroys each thing he comes into contact with."

The focus was the controversial plan which permits foreign individuals to buy U.S. residence for an investment of $1 million dollars, with a "top-tier" option for five million. The program's page pledges approval "faster than ever."

"A brief thought for you to affluent immigrants: prior to you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the card is also meant to "squeeze cash" from businesses wanting to hire foreign workers, involving significant fees. "That is a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your selection – provided that it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The most thorough screening the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit affluent international individuals to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the application, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging approval numbers during financial anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a attempt to address prices, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, and reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting conservative news coverage of Trump's economic record. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.