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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who execute that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: an opening. I know not all people likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in small ways. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their friendship?