Those Words from My Dad Which Rescued Me when I became a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was merely just surviving for a year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the reality soon turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver while also taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You require some help. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While society is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on mums and about PND, less is said about the challenges dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a broader failure to communicate among men, who often internalise negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a display of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to take a respite - going on a few days abroad, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without stable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "bad decisions" when younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help isn't failing - looking after you is the optimal method you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."